


let me look at you while I have you

by solisaureus



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: F/F, fate/reincarnation, immortal loving a mortal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 04:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15404553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solisaureus/pseuds/solisaureus
Summary: Not even a thousand years of practiced indifference could have prepared Tiki for Say’ri.





	let me look at you while I have you

It was easy for Tiki to dismiss the conflicts of mortals. Compared to what she had lived through, what she had lost, looking the other way when men go to war was as simple as blinking. It was as though she was watching pigeons through a window as they quarrel over a morsel of food; it was unpleasant, and she may irrationally root for one animal over the other, but ultimately she will remain unaffected regardless of the outcome. She could go outside and pluck the morsel from the victor’s beak and hand it with mercy to the defeated bird, she could capture the winning bird and snap its neck, she could gift the loser with a whole loaf of bread, but what would be the point? Nothing she could do would keep either of them from dying another day. Mortals had come to her since she awoke from her slumber, prostrate in reverence, pleading for her intervention in their struggles, but she could not bring herself to descend back down to the level of mortals. Not while she was still grieving. She closed herself off and took the mantle of an impartial prophet, both to protect humanity and her own heart.

Not even a thousand years of practiced indifference could have prepared her for Say’ri. 

Over the course of Tiki’s slumber, the continents of Archanea and Valentia had split, morphed, rejoined, been conquered and reclaimed over thousands of years of war and the the entitlement to land that humans attached so inextricably to victory. Valentia, now called Valm in honor of a king that once united the continent, was now host to a nation known as Chon’sin. It was these people that first greeted Tiki upon waking from her slumber.

At first the encounter was simply tiresome and Tiki knew she would have to turn these people away before they had even finished relating their dilemma. A cruel conqueror had invaded Chon’sin and devastated the region, and the king Yen’fay and his sister Say’ri had come to the Voice of Naga in desperation for aid. Though Tiki was not unmoved by their stories of loss and suffering, there was simply no cause short of a global catastrophe staged by the gods for which Tiki would replace herself in mortals’ violent conflicts. When she refused to lend her power, the stoic king revealed all of his underlying hopelessness in the moment of silent hesitation before he bowed to her and accepted her decision. 

Yen’fay made motions for his convoy to descend the Mila tree and leave the Voice in peace, but the princess broke away and ran back to where Tiki sat before her brother could stop her. She knelt before her, pressing her forehead to the ground at Tiki’s feet, and pleaded.

“My lady, you must...we cannot…” Say’ri’s voice trembled like a flickering flame, wrought with indignity and grief both. “You are the Voice of the Goddess which grants life and serenity...my homeland buckles under the cruel hand of Walhart, can our divine dragon truly sit idly by as her creations perish like animals?” 

Tiki stared at the prostrate form before her and felt her heart thrash in her chest while she listened. It was nothing she had not heard before; this woman’s reasoning was no more persuasive than any other who had come to her, but Tiki was struck by a sensation that welled up from deep within her, a dormant emotive force that clenched around her throat as she looked down at this woman. It was overwhelming, so powerful that she could only play passive victim to it, unable to identify its source. 

“Say’ri, that is enough,” scolded the princess’s brother as he grasped her by the arm and pulled her to her feet. “Your disgraceful begging does nothing but bring us shame before our Lady.” 

Yen’fay bowed once more, deeper this time, and Say’ri flashed her dark eyes at the dragon before she followed suit. Tiki found herself unable to respond, so they took her silence as dismissal and left her to be alone once more. 

It wasn’t until that night that Tiki pinpointed the feeling that Say’ri had so strongly stirred within her. She was gazing up at the heavens when her heart shifted back into place and she gasped with realization. It was familiarity that she had felt. The sensation resonated within her as she closed her eyes and concluded that she had met Say’ri before, long ago. 

\--

Not a year later, Tiki was visited by Say’ri again, this time alone save for a handful of retainers. She was dressed differently, instead of wearing regalia befitting a princess she was outfitted in armor indistinguishable from that of a common soldier. Two swords hung at her waist, but they were tied to their scabbards to show that she meant the Voice no harm. But the changes in her appearance were unremarkable compared to the change in her demeanor since Tiki saw her last. She bore the expression of a woman twice her age, weathered and jaded, and carried herself with an air of mistrust, like she expected an assassin to be lurking in every shadow. The fear in her eyes and the tremble in her voice were gone, and in their place was a weary hardness that told Tiki that everything the princess was once afraid of had already come to pass. 

“Yen’fay has betrayed his country,” Say’ri said, taking a knee before the dragon. “The people of Chon’sin have given in to despair now that their leader has pledged loyalty to the Conqueror.”

Tiki opened her mouth to speak, to reaffirm her neutrality despite this tragedy, but Say’ri stopped her. She raised her head and met her eyes. “I have not come to beg for help again,” she said. “I have come to offer my services as a handmaiden to my Lady. Without a king and without hope, Naga is the only light that my people have left. To wait upon the Voice of Naga and to ensure her safety is the best that I can do to restore spirit to my homeland.” Say’ri bowed her head once more. “My Lady, I implore you to accept me at your side.”

Tiki swallowed as she looked down at the reverent monument of a woman kneeling before her. She knew she should refuse, turn her away; she had no way of knowing for certain that this wasn’t some preying ploy to lower Tiki’s guard. But if she refused Say’ri now, she likely would never see her again, and she would have to wonder forever if she had missed out on one mortal out of millions that could shake Tiki to her core. 

“Very well,” Tiki said, avoiding Say’ri’s eye as though she were flinching away from harsh sunlight. “If it pleases you, you may serve me.”

\--

The day had come when a conflict worthy of divine interference forced Tiki out of the Mila Tree. The resurgence of Grima was imminent, and Tiki had steeled herself for the fight against the chaotic bloodshed that his Awakening would wrought. And as she had been doing for the past two years, Say’ri stayed close to her side. 

Although Say’ri could be overbearing at times and imposed suffocating expectations on how the Divine Voice was to conduct herself, not a moment had passed where Tiki regretted her choice to accept Say’ri as her handmaiden. Even at her worst, living in Say’ri’s company was like becoming enraptured with a new favorite tale. The pitfalls were a part of the story, as much as the romantic swells and dashing heroism and poignant morals. And like any good narrative, Say’ri taught Tiki important lessons about the trials and rewards of being human in this age. 

Tiki found herself enamored with it. The striking sense of familiarity that Say’ri had conferred at their first meeting had grown into fondness, an attachment that Tiki admitted to herself with an inkling of hope. It was a tender hope, a fragile thing that needs guarding. It was a feeling well-known to gardeners when their flowers started to bloom early in the season, and they would cross their fingers that a late frost wouldn’t come to wipe them out. They are beautiful, and the gardener is so happy to see them after a colorless winter, even if they wish they hadn’t come like this. 

During a lull in the army’s activity, Tiki was sharing a snack of oranges with her retainer in a small grove a stone’s throw from camp. Say’ri’s impeccable posture, sitting pin-straight with her knees folded underneath her, betrayed her noble background, while Tiki’s ruffled head lying on her lap revealed her as the carefree young woman she wished others could see her as. 

Tiki looked up at the other woman’s sullen face as she picked idly at the skin of an orange. “Are you thinking about Yen’fay?” she asked.

Say’ri’s eyes widened and snapped to Tiki’s, and then her shoulders sank. “‘Twould be false to say the grief does not haunt me. But my brother met the end he chose. I’ve come to accept it as unavoidable. What’s done is done.”

“Liar,” Tiki accused, squinting and pursing her lips. 

“M-My lady?” Say’ri stammered.

“Lay down your stoic mask,” Tiki said, sitting up and placing a hand on Say’ri’s wrist. “I know the pain tears at you still. If you are in pain, do not lie to me! Tell me that you hurt. Let me in, Say’ri.”

A breeze passed through and ruffled the tree’s leaves, brushing long strands of Say’ri’s silky hair across her pained face. “...What would you have me say?”

Tiki scoffed despite herself. Say’ri could not expect her to accept an indifferent lie when she knew her so well. “Not that what’s done is done! Not that you can forget so easily! Was your bond so feeble that a few weeks marching might erase him from your heart?”

These words seemed to strike a match within Say’ri and set her burning. “Enough! What could you possibly ken of the bond I shared with him?” she snapped, wrenching her hand away from the dragon’s soft touch. “ _Forget?_ Erase him from my heart? ‘Twould be easier to erase the heart entire! He was my brother...my only flesh and blood…” 

Tiki’s determination to drag an emotion out of her stony companion soured into shame when she heard the threat of tears begin to tremble in Say’ri’s throat. “Forgive me...I would retract those words if I could,” she said in a near-whisper. “It was not my hope to deepen the wound.”

Say’ri’s hands curled into fists atop her knees and she squeezed her eyes shut. “My lady...please, just…”

The sight of the princess in such agony spurred a powerful tenderness in Tiki, and she reached forward and cupped Say’ri’s jaw. Tilting her face so that their eyes were forced to meet, Tiki said, “But I was desperate to hear the confines of your heart. To hear you speak frankly. I want you to tell me everything, Say’ri.”

A tear escaped the corner of Say’ri’s eye, which was quickly brushed away by the other woman’s thumb. “But why? Why me?”

“Because...I want very dearly to be yours.” 

“M-Mine?” 

“Long have you stood by my side, Say’ri. Always faithfully, but never as a friend. Only as a guard, disciple, and servant. I find it terribly lonesome. I think you are a beautiful person, Say’ri, and since the moment we met you have been staunchly fixed within my heart. I ache to see you distancing yourself from me, when all I want is to bring you closer, to have you as my equal.”

The two women had leaned so close that Say’ri brought her forehead to rest against Tiki’s, and stroked a lock of her fluffy hair. “I fear my lifetime is but a few short days compared to yours. Would you still have me, knowing that I cannot stay for long?”

Tiki answered by ducking her head and claiming Say’ri’s lips in a firm but warm kiss, raising her body up so that she could feel as much of Say’ri against her as possible. When they parted, Tiki said, “Without a moment’s hesitation. I am used to loss. Do not deprive me of the joy of ever _having_.” 

Say’ri hiccuped a laugh. “As my lady wishes. Flighty, heedless, and exasperating as you may sometimes be...I confess that I love you a great deal. So equals it is from this day hence.” 

Tiki’s face relaxed into a smile and she brought down Say’ri’s head to kiss her again, and again. As they laid together among the fallen oranges and whispering leaves, with their lips meeting every inch of warm skin on each other as they could find, Tiki sighed in a rare moment of unburdened mirth. She caught a glimpse of the royal blue of the sky just past Say’ri’s shoulder and realized without an ounce of regret that there had only ever been one other who had meant this much to her.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my friend waen (@vwyn19 on twitter)'s heart wrenching say'tiki art!!! Get your heart broken right here: https://twitter.com/vwyn19/status/1012887693976485891
> 
> I didn't get all of my thoughts out in this piece but I tried to keep it short since it's a oneshot. And sorry about rehashing canon support dialogue, but if you've read my fics at all you know that giving context to supports and making them 100% gayer is my favorite thing to do lol. Enjoy!! I love these two ;_;


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